“I love my own desperation.” ~ Cate M

Who would love their own desperation?
Who would even like it?
What does it even mean?
Desperation is a state of despair,
typically one which results
in rash or extreme behavior.
We can see how a person could admire
someone willing to take rash actions,
to go to any lengths to recover.
I’ve been around the Rooms of Recovery
fourteen years, and I admire those
who become willing to go to extremes
to move beyond the onus of addiction.
But until today I’d never heard
it verbalized, “I love my own desperation.”
But isn’t it true? It is for me.
Those days when I would readily go
to any lengths to remove the compulsion,
the desperation, the misery the addiction
bring into my life a kind of peace, comfort,
acceptance of the addiction and therefore
the readiness to go to any lengths to
move past the despair and to live recovery!