Just In Case

Dear Me:
I write this because right now
I finally feel like I’m really in Recovery.
Or should I say I feel like
I’m a recovered compulsive eater?
Someone said in the meeting today
he was recovered from compulsive eating.
Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful,
pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right.
But is it wrong to deny the changes in me?
Do I err in getting cocky? More than
the error in claiming still I’m powerless?
People who have no idea I’m in OA,
that I struggled for years with food obsession,
even those people see a difference, ask me why,
what happened, want to know my secret.
And telling them makes abstinence easier,
reinforces my conviction. So…what do I call myself
in the rooms? The absolute truth is
I have a fatal disease of gluttony
in remission only so long as I surrender
every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed,
I can hold on to the gift. And Me,
I want you to remember to remind me,
to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do,
any word I say, any thought that pops up
triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender,
brings that reality to mind and
I remember to do the next right thing,
to think the next right thought,
to find within me the Recovery I crave!
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