It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

When I surrendered my desk of 20+ years,
I removed a number of layers of charts
based on how much I needed to lose,
how long a segment would take, i.e.,
if I eat only this much, exercise that much,
each # days the # pounds would vanish
and in ## increments I’d be perfect, elated,
a winner. Not a single grand prize promised
for this saintly conduct was ever achieved.
Ten years and ten months after finding
these rooms of recovery I have yet to reach
any of the exalted goals, but honestly
what I wanted to earn was self-respect,
a spot within the range doctors with charts
declared appropriate for my age and height,
but the real prize at the end, had I articulated it,
was contentment, serenity,  a new freedom
and a new happiness, not regretting the past
nor wishing to shut the door on it,
comprehending the word serenity, and knowing peace.
That the  scale didn’t matter, that my experience
could benefit others. That my feeling of uselessness
and self-pity had disappeared, that I’d lost interest
in selfish things and gained interest in my fellows.
I needed my whole attitude and outlook upon life to change,
for fear of people and of economic insecurity to leave me.
I now know intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle me. I have suddenly realized
that God is doing for me what I never could have found
with all the charts and plans I could ever make!
These promises are being realized in my life…
one day at a time!