Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally, thankfully, Acceptance.
I didn’t get sober because I reached Acceptance, I got sober because I knew if I didn’t stop drinking, I would die. And, there was a part of me that was stubborn and that part wanted desperately to see my children grow up. No, more than that, I wanted to be an important, positive, part of their life. You cannot be an addict and a role model; the former cancels out the latter. In order to make a difference in their life, I had to get sober. ~ Alaina
Have you worked through the grief stages
as to your addiction? Did you deny you had a problem?
I did…from age thirteen to a month short of sixty!
What about anger? It’s not fair for everybody else
to eat what they want? I deserve Blizzards and apple fritters!
Bargaining? I’ll eat nothing on Thursdays and what
I want the other six days. I’ll not eat lunch, just have a treat.
I’ll follow a diet weekdays, but I can eat what I want
on weekends. No apple fritters, just a Blizzard each day?
Depression? It’s just not fair! Am I never ever
to have good stuff again? How is life going to be worth living?
There’s nothing there? I live in nothingness. I’m so lonely,
so tired all the time. Just let me sleep until life is over.
I’ll never know joy again. My life is constant shame.
I’m worthless, a failure, who doesn’t deserve the good!
Acceptance? No way. I’ve been horrible to everyone around me.
My kids paid the price for the dysfunctional family,
and I just let it happen. But there are ways to make it better.
I can accept that a Power can exist, able to take over.
I can decide ti let that happen. I can figure out
who I wronged and admit it. I can change,
quit doing things I hate and release the defects.
I can make amends and learn
to live in acceptance one day at a time.
I really can accept a life of eating food that nourishes me
and abandon – willingly – those that would kill me if I
held on to them. I can live – thrive – in recovery.