I’m not really sure I want the magic pill. ~ Joan B

How have I tried to lose weight?
Let me count the ways…
Diet pills from the doctor at 13…
Most weigh-and-pay groups,
some multiple times…
Carb blockers…
Amphetamines (when they were discouraged
but still legal I drove 300 miles for 30 days of pills)…
A metal pin at an acupuncture point on my ear…
Graphs and charts projecting how much
I’d lose by what date, with planned rewards…
Internet programs…
A diet from a women’s magazine…
Counting calories…
Counting carbs…
Counseling (3 times, years at a time)…
Hypnotism…
Motivational tapes…
New Year’s resolutions…
Goals for certain major events…
Diet books…
Cookbooks with reduced calories/fat/carbs/sugar…
Books, directed at weight loss,
organization, codependency,
relationships, misogynists, self-esteem,
and anything else marginally relative…
Partners in person and on the Internet…
Fasting one day each week…
Beginning to write a book
about how with a partner I
attained a total weight loss of 500 pounds,
knowing I lacked well over a hundred
of those before publication…
Giving myself shots in the stomach
twice daily with a medication
approved for diabetics, which I was not,
but not approved for weight control…
For probably five years monthly doctor visits
as he used all his powers of persuasion
and prescription to help me.
I used the carbohydrate blockers
and appetite suppressants he urged on me
because I intended to eat bad stuff.
I looked for the magic pill in any or every form.
And if I’d found the magic pill
I’d never have found true relief, sanity,
and a life I can’t believe how great it is!