Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84

A barrage of emotions can overwhelm
especially those who have spent chunks of life
avoiding having emotions…drinking or eating,
gambling, drugging…anything to keep from feeling.
But with a list…a handful of reactions,
something simple enough to remember,
to tick off quickly, to analyze. With a list
we can do it even if they still seem to meld together,
to blend into one. We can understand they are separate
and conquer them.

Selfishness. When am I selfish?
Not when I acknowledge I have my own needs,
not when I stand up for myself,
not when I ask for help. Selfish
is thinking I’m the only one whose needs exist,
that I’m the center not just of my own thoughts
but that I should be of yours and his and hers as well.
When have I been selfish today?

Dishonest. When am I dishonest?
I recognize the dishonesty in direct lies,
outright untruths, made up history
to take the place of that I dislike.
But dishonesty also means when I should speak up
and don’t, when I am wrongfully silent.
And the biggest one, dishonesty to myself.
This little bite won’t hurt…sure, something like that
has caused binges before, but this one won’t.
I just can’t do the right thing now because…
there’s no good because.
When have I been dishonest today?

Resentment. Who and what do I resent?
I remember writing inventory, listing resentments.
And I recall looking more closely, figuring out
I wouldn’t have the resentment but for my part,
but for my goading, but for my making it all worse.
What have I resented today? And why?

Fear. When have I been fearful today?
Am I afraid of losing what I have, what I’ve gained?
Do I fear not getting what I want?
Am I afraid of what others think, of what they say, of them?
Does fear of not having enough paralyze me?
When have I been fearful today?

God, let me use what I find when I ask these
and let me rely on you to give me the courage,
the insight, the wisdom
to make it right.